Originally, I called this blog Salad Bowl Families.
Why?
In college, I learned about the Salad Bowl theory, an alternative to the popular Melting Pot theory concerning immigrants assimilating into American life. According to the Melting Pot, everyone is thrown into together and melted down into a new, homogeneous (if somewhat bland) American identity. In contrast, in the Salad Bowl theory we think of each culture or group maintaining its identity as a new salad ingredient that complements the others without losing its own essential flavor.
I think of my own family in much the same way. I am Kris, born and raised in Africa, mom to Jake, stepmom to Luke, both teenagers. I am remarried to my husband, whom I’ll call Coach. Still in the picture are my Maltese ex Angie and her on-and-off again partner, Rosa, who is second generation Italian and has a young daughter, Narrah. Narrah and Jake’s biological father’s are both anonymous sperm donors, so they aren’t in the picture. On Luke’s side, there’s his half-brother by their South American mother, Elena. If this all sounds a bit exotic and far-fetched, I assure you it’s not; I couldn’t make this stuff up.
This is Family, Circa 2010.
This is the modern family, this is real life; and it is not blended, it is not pureed, it is not smooth. It is not that way under my own roof, much less when we consider the other households.
On a good day, my home is like a tossed salad, colorful, flavorful, healthy, rich. But on a more typical day, we are two plates of crudités on the same table. On a bad day, their serving dish is on the table and ours is on the buffet. Or we’re not eating together at all, literally and figuratively.
Welcome to Family, Circa 2010. Welcome to the Salad Bowl.
My StepLife by Krista Francis is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
header photo by Ilja
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Dear Krista,
Hello! You won’t know me from a bar of soap, but here in Australia you’ve inspired my thinking around step parenting, and your positive approach has given me the energy to pursue a project I’ve been nurturing for a while.
I became a step mum of 2 boys (then 3&7) 8 years ago and then had my own child two years ago. The whole experience has been the greatest challenge of my life, with lots of opportunity for growth and acceptance. When I’ve gone online to try to find positive support around step parenting, it’s been pretty scarey. Lots of nasty bickering that you talk about in your blog, and an obsession with the negative. It’s so tempting to go there, but absolutely unhelpful. I’m a firm believer in what you focus on grows – so let it be something you want.
To this end, I have an idea I would love to bounce off you if you would be interested, about collecting positive stories about the unique, special moments that can happen as a result of life in the salad bowl. I’m wondering if you know of anything similar already?
I appreciate this will come as a little bolt out of the blue. I would really love to talk to you about it further as after quite a lot of research, you have stood out as a voice of compassion, maturity and inspiration in the online space internationally.
All the best,
Gillian
Ps I’m hoping you can see my email address entered so I don’t drag your readers through this further!
Hi Gil, thanks so much for reading and responding! I will also respond off-line but I wanted to say I really like your idea. More show-casing of positive examples of co-parenting can only be a good thing!